El Último-

El Ultimo: (The Final)

 

For about 3 months now, I have sat at my computer without knowing what words are sufficient to conclude my time in Bolivia. The first month I would sit for an hour each day and nothing would come to mind. I ended up just pushing the final blog further and further down the line. All the sudden, the summer is at an end. Whether I like it or not, it is time for this chapter of my life to come to a close.

The words to wrap up my Bolivian experience seem to be hiding themselves from me. Every part of life at home feels luxurious, and everything reminds me of the life there that I left. The whole year feels like one very long and vividly realistic dream.

Whenever I do something, my mind seems to automatically compare whatever situation I am in to experiences I had in Bolivia. Just now, all that I am thinking about is the fact that the words are hiding from me. Three months ago instead of “words hiding from me”, it was Leonardo in a game of hide and seek before dinner. It was Otto trying the best he could to delay his shower just a few minutes. Jose trying his best to get me to play tag with him while sitting around the edge of my house. Or hearing Joel cry at 3:00am outside my doorway while he thinks about waking me up or not.

Every situation I am put in here at home brings back a barrage of memories from this past year that sweep through my mind like a slideshow.

When I open a refrigerator, I see LOTS of food.
*Eggs and beans were always savored.

In every public and private place, there seems to be an endless amount of seating (couches or chairs).
*We had plastic stools and our beds. Oh, there was a wooden couch with no cushion too.

There is ENDLESS stuff just everywhere.
*I guess we had stuff as well…but only when the house was not picked up. If the house was clean, it was rather empty.

Our homes are full of books.
*9 of my 13 boys could hardly read. We are teaching them and they get better every month. However, their education has been lacking, therefore they’re far behind.

Children are speaking English all…the…time.
*This was SOO weird the first time I heard it. I nearly cried because I was thinking about how much easier my situation would have been if I could communicate with the boys from the start.

Families are eating out at restaurants.
*It makes me so happy to see a family sitting together at a restaurant. In our area of Bolivia, it almost never happened.

Everyone has a car.
*Only taxi drivers had cars to drive. Nobody else had the money to get a car of their own.

Roads are SOOO nice.
*Roads in the states put a smile on my face every time I am on them now. I feel like hitting a pothole is nostalgic and induces Bolivian ptsd at the same time.

A meal at any restaurant is the price of what could feed 12 kids back in Bolivia.
*If I spend $17 on a meal and drink at any restaurant, that is automatically enough money to get 12 kids a nice restaurant meal back in Rurrenabaque. I could get meals for 10bs around town (which I only did 8 or 9 times). All the other times, we made food back at the house, which $17 would feed about 20-25.

Internet is unbelievably fast.
*The loading bar has not showed up on my Instagram since I arrived in the States again. Honestly most of my memories about not having internet are frustrating or scary, so if internet is slow it may cause PTSD…not nostalgia this time.

Driving is extremely freeing.
*The first time I drove a car again, I didn’t know how I could stop. So, I didn’t. I just drove for an hour or two.

Speaking English feels very similar to Spanish.
*I am by no means fluent in Spanish, however, upon returning home…I definitely can understand more then I thought I would. While I can speak a bit more Spanish then expected, I am often speaking with adults. So, my Spanish sounds like a kid.

Not every building is made of bricks.
*Nearly every building in Bolivia was made of these large bricks, here things are much more modern.

Pre-packaged food can actually be decent.
*Back in Rurre if I bought cereal or chips, it was either a salt wafer or sugar puff. There was nothing in between. I can definitely tell that processed food is higher quality here.

My floor doesn’t need to be swept every other hour.
*The house was a constant battle of how often it needed to be swept. We would sweep and instantly there would be a new layer of dirt covering everything.

Electricity never goes out.
*At least 2 times a week the power went out. It is very reassuring to know just how reliable our energy system is.

A good kitchen!
*I learned to cook in a very interesting place. None of my kitchenware would stay where it is supposed to be. I went insane several times trying to find whisks, spatulas, or pots. Here, everything is always in its place which makes cooking a LOT easier.

Mirrors actually exist.
*We had a mirror the size of my hand back in Bolivia, but seeing myself on a daily basis is a strange feeling.

Adapting back home is not easy and not hard. But it just feels natural. Having easy access to things like paper, food and transportation on a moments notice make life unbelievably easy. This is the part of being back home that make comfort a constant feeling. However, at the same time I can’t help but feel immense guilt.

I will be shocked if any of my boys ever will own a car. I will be surprised if they will ever have a full fridge. I will be astonished if they ever own a home. All of these are simple ways of life in the States that are unimaginable for my boys. They just don’t know how life is in other parts of the world. For example, I showed my boys the first Avengers movie one day. They did not seem to understand that New York City is a real place. In their minds, Rurrenabaque is all of the world. Of course, the aliens and monsters are known to be fake, but when they didn't understand that New York is a real place, I realized just how different their lives are.

Coming back from a mission year in a place like Familia Feliz is far from what I expected. I wanted to get back and jump right back into normal life. While I did my best to adapt quickly, it was a struggle for me. I can’t talk to my boys all the time, and the thought lingers in my head that I will most likely never be able to dedicate a full year of my life to missions again. However, I also realize that the struggle is completely normal. I expected it from day one. However, the thought of difficulty vs the reality is two very different things.

I have adapted back to life here in the States now. So far, summer camp came and went, weddings have happened, conventions where Familia Feliz was represented have passed, my brother's bachelor party was completed, and relationships have been formed. I believe that the timing of my mission year was perfect. I had an experience that changed my life, and can now see that I can continue to serve as a missionary…just not in the mission field that I knew.

A struggle of mine is the fact that I WAS a missionary. Everyone knows that missionaries go out into the world and spread the name of Jesus. However, missions are everywhere. In every community, there is an opportunity to be a missionary. There is always an opportunity to take the difficulty of what is going on around you and show Jesus in the hardship.

My prayer is that service is something that continues to influence my life. I want to use the experiences that this year provided to me so I can make an impact in whatever community I end up in.

Matthew 5:16

“Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Photos closing my time in Bolivia:

Took a trip to the Uyuni Salt Flats, more pics down below :)

Our final SM picture with Graciana and Charlie.

The owners of Roots saying goodbye during my final visit.

All the boys signing my shirt!

Final loaf of bread.

It was a good one!

The littles checking out my laser!

All my boys were so excited to try on my clothes! They were happy to keep what I left (which was nearly my entire wardrobe!)

Took the boys into town on a final day!

A good meal at Luz del Mar!

Leonardo finally learned how to swim!

Ernesto having a good time after learning to play pool!

A good drive back :)

Final picture with Leonardo.

Saying goodbye to Memo and Aron

Joel laid on my suitcase telling me to not leave.

Saying goodbye to the Lilas house!

I was a regular customer at the shop across the street from Familia Feliz! Both of these Bolivians saw my Spanish progress through the year. *I never noticed the height difference till now!*

Some final photos with my boys!

On my final day...I got stung by a wasp right by my eye. If that wasp was a millimeter up, this would be a very different story.

I made their favorite meal to close out my time as a house parent.

We sat together and watched one show to close everything out!

Charlie taught me to ride the bike right before I left.

All of us gathered...for a picture. As you can tell, the boys love photos.

Saying bye to Sean for a final time before he is a solo house parent for several months.

Graciana and Charlie took me to the airport where we all said our goodbyes!

Departing to La Paz-

Spent a day in La Paz

Home to the States.

I want to close out my pics with a quick trip Sean and I took to the Uyuni Salt Flats right before I left. Such a beautiful area.

Chillin in the 50 degree water with sandals on.

Such a cool hotel.

Sean and I lived luxury for a day.

One of the most intense sunsets I've ever seen.

Conclusion:

Familia Feliz has a piece of my heart. I feel like it is impossible to walk away and not continue to support the efforts of the missionaries who dedicate their time to these children. A few weeks ago we represented Familia Feliz at the ASI convention. This convention gave us so much hope that people will continue to support the mission of Familia Feliz. We talked to SO many people who wanted to hear our story and understand more about missions.

I loved sharing each moment with the people at this convention. It made the experiences from this past year just a bit more real to me again. As I mentioned earlier, the life I lived feels more like a dream now. But it wasn’t. Each of my 13 boys are real. I still talk to them on the phone occasionally and listen to their hilarious stories from the house, school or work. Every moment I had with them is stored in my mind forever, and every chance I can talk to them brings me joy.

Even with all the happiness that Familia Feliz brought me, time moves on. School starts next week. A chapter of my life has closed and a new one is opening. This blog has kept my thoughts documented throughout the whole year. A good amount of my highs and lows are all sitting on this page and will be for a while. To everyone who kept up with this story, thank you. Sharing this experience has been something I have loved to do.

Prayer:

Lord, Bless Familia Feliz.

Be with my boys.

Be with each child.

Be with each volunteer.

Be with each missionary.

Bring your peace to each life that is affected by this mission.

Allow the story of Familia Feliz to inspire change and push Your church to do “hard things.”

Help the story of Familia Feliz to continue to grow and make an impact.

Help these experiences leave a mark and inspire people.

You placed me there for a reason.

And I am home again.

In Jesus' name I pray.

Amen.